Much Obliged Gentlemen

So it seems that writer's block is up for debate this week, with both Peter and Mark tackling the dreaded subject in their own ways. I, too, have been feeling plagued by some strange force that has kept me from writing. It is not for a lack of ideas though since those are constantly invading my thoughts, rather I think that I, like so many others here in Vidor, feel lost.

We came back from Austin on Sunday night after finding out that Glenn & Dianne had finally gotten their power back. We were so anxious to come back home and to be able to deal with our house situation from a closer location, but arriving back to Vidor left us facing the very real upheaval that this hurricane is still responsible for here. We were met that Sunday night, as we tried to stop by our house to check on it, by the police who were enforcing the county's curfew. We hadn't realized that the curfew was still in effect and so we were told to hurry along and get to where we were going and stay there. Monday was spent trying to get a tarp up on the roof because it was pouring rain all day and I detected the lovely sound of dripping in the master bedroom. We were also met by the stark reality that some businesses are gone for good, while others are struggling to get back to regular business. We had to go through a FEMA line to get some tarps, and they also loaded our car up with water, ice and some small food items. We watched people get in soup kitchen lines in grocery store parking lots. It is still going to be a while before things get back to normal and that is harder to deal with than it may seem. In our case, it may not be for another month that we get to move back into our house, though since it has already been over three weeks since we evacuated the thought of another month or more seems daunting and incredibly sad.

You hear the "D" word a lot lately, depression. Every one is feeling it I think, and I think that it is the reason why I haven't been able to write these past few days. I have never been good at hashing out the sad things in my life in writing. Or rather, I have just never liked to write about them. I guess I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself and it is bad enough that I know I am thinking it that the last thing I want to do is immortalize it by writing it down. Looking back through old journals of mine there is little written about awkward and hard times, though I do not regret this because I have always felt that it has kept me from dwelling on the sad things in my past for too long. Yet, after reading Mark's blog yesterday I realized that perhaps this time I just need to write something, anything, just to be able to get past this moment. What Chris and I are faced with right now is very daunting and overwhelming, it is hard to know where to start, how to pick up the pieces again so that they somehow fit again. I'd like to think of myself as strong enough of a woman to come out of this whole situation as an even stronger, wiser and more accomplished person than I might have been before and so I am holding onto that hope.

So much of what has happened to us this last month started out with a feeling of sadness and then I realize that some of it has just turned into downright anger and then has warped into determination. The determination to make it no matter what. This week some of Chris' cousins cut up and removed the tree that hit our house from our back yard. As I watched them roll parts of that massive tree away I realized that we needed a part of it too, so I asked Chris to get them to save a big piece for us. I am keeping that log because when we get out of this whole thing, I want us to always remember that we can make it through anything. I suppose that this tree has somehow become a strange symbol of hope. Or maybe a symbol of our strength and our determination. Life can huff and puff and come crashing down all around us but we have deeper roots than even that massive tree and we will weather even this storm and its setback.

So, thank Peter and Mark for tackling the issue of writer's block and helping me to get past it too, I am much obliged. Hopefully now that I have that off my chest, and now that I have had a good cry while writing this, I can get to work on all those things that I was working towards before Rita.